I was nervous, and a bit shaky… didn’t know what to expect… I walked in, and felt observed, by you, by everyone.
I walked towards you, knowing you know I was waiting for this moment.. for this contact. I lean and kiss you, this time on your cheeks. You hug me.
I kept myself busy with my morning routine. Didn’t think much, although I was intrigued of how you would look. I knew you would dress nicely to make an impact on your return. And gain confidence on your looks. From the corner of my eye, I see someone arriving, and as expected, it was you.
I put my normal “fine” face and go out to welcome you. You look stunning, bit nervous. I hug you, as always, and although I knew you would be menaced by it, I dint’t care. I like hugging you, and always will.
I can´t even speak properly.. and try not to be too friendly. What´s the point? Why should I? I move away from your hug, So typical of you. I hate it! The physical contact clashes with my emotional forced detachment. I look into your eyes, say hi, etc etc.. the usual. “Im fine”
Ohh.. there you are at your greatest,.. how I feared you would be. Over confident.. If only you knew how its fades your beauty. I used to love you fragile and spontaneous..
You are defensive.. oh,, whatever! I will go back to my business. “see you around”
Ahhh. Your eyes. I can never feel free with your eyes are around me. Eye to eye is special with you.. and it erases the distances, the times, everything.
Ok, enough, I need to do what I came for. “See you”. I walk away, I sigh. First stage, done! We have met again.
I see you move around, speak to the people, your friends, its almost as it used to be. Its nice to have you around. I hear your steps, I still recognize the sound of your shoes from my desk. This is like I like to remember you, powerful, talented, hard working, inspired by the details. Walking quickly everywhere.
As the hours go by, I start to feel more comfortable, and my soul starts to calm down. Not so nervous. Only annoyed by your coldness. Grrrr… You are sitting there, say nothing, look like bored from behind your glass. From the various eye-contacts you look as if you are sorry for me.. or if as if there is no more feelings for me, not even trace of what we had. You make me angry. How did you walk away so easily and got to let go so fast. I wished I could.. Anyway, Im here, and I will show you how much I´ve moved on. And if there are any doubts, I don’t fall for you anymore!
(days go by.. differences, coffee conversation, hellos, eye-contact)
I wished I could know whats going on with you. But I cant ask, I shouldn’t.. Its seems as if you like being distant, mysterious.. Is it self-preservation or did I loose you?? Is there someone else?
For me.. its all about self-preservation. Seeing you makes me want to tell you stuff, share inspiration. Even flirt. But I need to remember I have chosen someone else, and its not fair on any of both of you. Bugger!
Once again you leave, and there is no eye-contact. Your are feeling-less. Tomorrow is my last day, and I will be expecting your warmness as I was expecting on the first day. But I can´t think of that.. because you “don’t care”. I need to remember this! He doesn’t care, he doesn’t care! Come on.. I need to be able to read the facts and not dream away.. he has chosen to go, therefore.. he is not there anymore.
Your last day.. in a way, a blessing.. I cant take it anymore. Your presence is distracting me way too much. And I´ve realized you have moved on, my dear.
Good for you. We have tried it once and its doesn’t work, so the best is to see you walk away.
Really looking forward to leave now!!! Its been a pleasure, but enough! I thought it would be nice to see you again, but you are boringly cold. Cant believe we had something. I hold my bags and walk to you. There you are: waiting, Im sure happy of seeing me go. Well there you go! Ohhh here it comes.. another hug… oh nooo.. no hug this time! Just your hands on my shoulders and your fake smile.
“Oh well take care, you”. That sounded awful, I know.. I didn’t know what to say.
I look at you. Intensely. Just to let you know, that we had something. And you can be as cold as you want, but this look is to remind you, what we had was special!
Ayyyyy your eyes.. darling…. there was always something about your eyes. But you look so distant.. please say something nice, please say something nice.. one for the old times. Come on.. if there is any love left, please say something nice.
Im strong, Im strong. I walk away mute less, otherwise I regret anything I say. Therefore, “goodbye”.
Yes.. Yes!! I´ve managed to walk away without being stupid! Good for me!
I start to walk, away.. I miss you already and my heart aches a bit. Shame you really don’t have feelings for me.
Off you go, silent. Ive realized I lost you. There is nothing there left for me. I wished I had hugged you one last time. Goodbye baby, you might not be my today, but you will always be the one.